What the Bible says about anxiety

I have prayed and prayed about what to write about. I’ve started writing a few blogs and then they just came to a halt. I realized today I knew what i needed to write about…I’ve actually known for a while and I keep saying, “not today God…NOT TODAY.” But God pushed me and not in a bad way. I want to start off by saying I am not a medical professional. I have my degree in Psychology but so does half of America. You can pretty much google different disorders and hey, you probably know just as much as i do. But, I am going to talk about this because it’s personal. I’ve been going to therapy on and off for about 7 years. If anyone who has a mental illness knows this to be true, when you think you’re better, you think you’re ALL better. Medicine tricks you sometimes into believing you’re okay. Anxiety, for me, has been a lot like that. I thought I was better and needed no help only to take 10 steps back.

Recently, my anxiety has increased dramatically. I blame my job and having a lot on me but thats probably not the case. The case is that I think I can handle it alone then I realize I just can’t. My anxiety comes in waves. It’s a constant struggle of wanting solitude and wanting to be with friends. I want to handle my crap myself. I want to be bigger than any mental illness. Unfortunately, you can’t wish anxiety away. In a world that’s fallen & fractured, nervousness and worry lurks around every corner.

 Have you ever almost missed a step while walking down the stairs and your heart races but usually subsides within a few seconds? Imagine that feeling lasting anywhere from 2-30 minutes multiple times a day and you have no control over when or where it happens. Followed by sweating and feeling like you’re going to faint and you can not catch your breath. There’s such a stigma when it comes to mental illnesses that needs to cease. I’ve known about my anxiety for years but no one else has. I’ve been called antisocial, snobby, shy, awkward and pretty much everything except a white girl. All because no one knew I was dealing with something that wasn’t visible like a broken leg. Imagine someone telling you it’s in your head and you’re just being dramatic. It’s a constant battle of wanting to be brave and wanting to crawl in a hole and never come out because you feel like no one understands how you feel. Anxiety is relentless and there have been days where I feel like I just can’t go on. 

There is one thing that has helped me more than medicine, therapy and solitude ever could and that’s Jesus.

If anxiety, fear, stress or worry creeps up on you, remember, you are only human. That God forgave you for your sins and you are PRECIOUS. I have constant feelings of inadequacy. Like no matter what I do at my job or my relationships that I just am not enough. I always had this weird connection with the stars. Ever since I was a little kid, I could just look at them for hours and feel how powerful they are. Then I stumbled across this verse..

“Look up into the heavens. Who created all the stars? He brings them out like an army, one after another, calling each by its name. Because of his great power and incomparable strength, not a single one is missing.”- Isaiah 40:26

How much more valuable are you than the stars?? If the same God who calls stars an army, imagine what He’s doing in your favor if you are willing and unafraid.

The bible tells us that we will have trials and hardships. Anxiety is a tool that the enemy uses. Knowing that gives me extreme peace. In most cases, I am anxious over something I have no control over. That’s when God steps in.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”- Phil. 4:6

The best defense is continuously communicating with Him, sprinkled with thanksgiving. Try to confess and talk about your nervousness. 

It took me a while to seek help. Talking about what is bothering you really puts things into perspective. Saying how you are feeling out loud speaks volumes about you and that you will not be defeated. The words you say or type have complete power over your life. His word is powerful. Speak it in victory and not fear.

If you are having any of the symptoms I talked about above, i encourage you to seek medical help, but also pray. pray without ceasing. I hope you love yourself enough to take care of yourself.

“The LORD is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me?”-Psalm 118:6

If you are in this battle, you are not alone. The devil can use it for evil but only God can use it for good. God speaks volumes about rest in the bible. He created the Sabbath specifically for it. Rest and realize God is on your side. It’s all downhill from there.

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Ascending to the Nations

“You can not change what is going on around you until you change what is going on within you”

I never know what i’m going to write about when i sit down to type. But, today, i know.

For many years I have felt this yearning to go out to different countries and help learn who Jesus is. Recently, I have become so frustrated because I am stuck. I am stuck at my job, in this city and with people I already know. I take the long way to work every morning so I can watch the planes. I think to myself how I would do anything to be on one of them headed somewhere foreign so I could meet people from different walks of life to hear their story and be a missionary to them. I am terrified of flying, but fear is the devils biggest illusion.

Then, one morning, arguing with God that i NEEDED to do this, it was like I heard God say, “Brooke, you have asked me to send you to nations but how can i do that when i can’t trust you in your day to day? You complain about going to work, you gossip about others and you haven’t spoken my words to people you come in contact with every day.” I walked to scream and cry. But i didn’t. I knew God was right. I haven’t been living for him here, so how could i live for him thousands of miles away.

Since that day, i have watched my words, I have tried to not complain about a job he has blessed me with and starting with this post, I am reaching out to my friends and family and others who I don’t know so well, by them reading this. I will be more like him so others can see. When i am ready, i will go. I’ll go places far and tell everyone my story. I won’t try to run away from my problems here, I’ll be more like Him. I will be uncomfortable, because being uncomfortable is being like Jesus.

Exodus 9:16 – “But I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.”

The world does not need to be pleased, it needs to be changed. And i hope this is the start of the change God will help me make.

XO,

B

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{early morning airport drive}

As always, you can reach me via Instagram, Twitter or brooke_trent@yahoo.com 

And the Winner is…..

Everyone has heard the phrase, “if you love your job, you’ll never have to work a day in your life.” Cool…now i have to find a job that i love with a bachelor’s degree that is more common than not in a dog eat dog world. EASY!

My whole life my parents put such an emphasis on education. I got in trouble for my grades over anything. So, when i graduated high school, i didn’t have much of a choice but to attend college. After all, that’s what you’re supposed to do. Wrong. Do what you love. I have a BS in psychology because i wanted to help people. That degree is hanging on my wall…the only thing it’s helping is dust bunnies find a home. For the longest time i thought i had to have that degree to matter, to make an impact on the world. I wish someone would have told me otherwise. I can make an impact by writing, by being passionate about something, by living a life i’m proud of.

While, yes, some degrees very much so help people and you have to have them to practice. But school does not make you better or worse than anyone. As i am fixing to launch my business, i feel so far away from that bachelor’s and closer to what i want to do for the rest of my life.

As i’m watching The Grammy’s, i feel hopeful. These people chased their dreams, got rejected and didn’t quit. Ed Sheeran once tweeted, “Give me a few years. I’ve got some big plans.” That was in 2011….

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GUESS WHAT?? He’s doing pretty damn well for himself beside Mr. Mayer here in 2015! Know why he’s beside a legend? Because he didn’t take no for an answer. He kept playing pubs and bars until he made it. He got rejected. He got told he wasn’t good enough to play in America. He. did. not. quit.

Don’t quit. Follow your heart and follow it whole heartedly. Open that coffee shop, travel the country, become that makeup artist, body builder, hair dresser, full time scuba diver. Don’t let anyone tell you that you won’t make it. Someone told me that you don’t have to have money to make money, you have to believe in what you’re selling and have other people invest in your ideas and you’ll always make it. network. network. network. Empower each other. My friends and family supporting me is the biggest encouragement. When someone tells me my blog helped them, i know i’m on the right path.

Stick with your gut. Support peers. Take a leap of faith. PRAY. Trust yourself. Leave that comfort zone and don’t ever, ever quit.

XO,

B

Eat. Pray. Travel.

“It is better to see something once than to hear about it a thousand times.”–Asian Proverb

My life right now is crazy, I have 348 things on a plate that only holds 10. Between working a full time job, planning my wedding, working out, moving to a new house and trying to launch my new business, life just gets in the way. So, I decided I would write about something I love, traveling.

My favorite possession is my passport. I think of it as a key that can unlock just about anything. I was so excited that I got to use it for the first time last August for Mexico!
Before I talk about that trip, I’m going to tell a story.
My junior year at college, I had this professor, lets call him Dr. S. Dr. S. was the biggest douche bag I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. I loathed this man. He made me cry, he made me mad, he made me think, he made me question, he made me a more knowledgeable person.

So, my final for this class was a one on one with me and Dr. S. It was going to last 50 minutes and he would ask me one question of his choice and I had to tell him why I felt the way I did. I racked my brain, thinking the question would be about God or abortion or why I ate processed meat. Nope. He asked me the simplest, yet complicated question in the history of mankind. Here is how this final oral exam played out.

Dr. S.: Brooke, you didn’t speak much in class, so I’m curious to your answer to your final question….if you could do anything on earth right now, what would make you the happiest?
Me: (thinking to myself, ‘that’s it?!?! this crazy man wants to know what makes me freakin happy?!’) well…i would travel.
Dr. S.: Travel where?
Me: Everywhere.
Dr. S.: Then quit school.
Me: But, I need money to travel. This will be the hoop I jump through to travel.
Dr. S.: There are plenty of poor people who travel. Get a work visa. I know you’re religious, what if you travel to India and it changes your outlook on “God” (yes, he quoted it.)
Me: Well, school is important to me and my family too.
Dr. S.: Just like God is and the places you travel won’t believe in the same things as you and you will question the way you’re raised. Do you still think traveling will make you the happiest Brooke?
Me: yes sir, I do.

This conversation went on as to why I believe the things I do and surprisingly really did last 50 minutes.

I didn’t drop out of school to travel…shockingly. I have a degree and I travel some place new once a year. I don’t believe we aren’t meant to stay in one place. I yearn for new sites and new people. I remember seeing the Mayan Ruins in Cozumel and thinking how have I’ve missed so much of this world because I was set on going through the motions. I remember driving down the streets in the Cayman Islands and seeing children playing and thinking how small my problems seem. For years, I have stared at the ocean, last year, I was in it snorkeling. I’ve looked at surface for so long that I missed the point of it. I remember walking back on the beach after spending hours swimming with fish and turtles and feeling so accomplished that I got to see a whole different form of life I had been missing. I couldn’t believe that it had taken me 23 years to realize how big the world was.

Going to another country didn’t change my religion though. It made me understand the God I serve even more. That the same God who made me and my little world I had been surrounded by, made that weird purple colored fish I just touched underwater and he made the guy who made my margarita too strong. It fascinates me and makes me want to understand Him even more.

My fiancé proposed to me in the dark, in the front of the ship, in the Caribbean Ocean under millions of stars. I wouldn’t trade that moment for all the money in the world. I will never be the same after seeing those stars.

It doesn’t matter where you go, whether it’s Mexico, California, or an hour away, go some place you’ve never been. It’s worth any cost and sacrifice. If you wait to have money or for someone to come with you, you’ll never go. It’s a matter of courage and adventure. The world is cruel and we are so quick to think how bad it is, but the people I met while in Mexico last year, gave me hope. You don’t realize the people you’re missing out on or the places until you just go. One day, you won’t have the time.

Here is a couple of pictures from Mexico and The Cayman Islands!

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Stay tuned to see our honeymoon ones! Next stop; St. Thomas!

XO,

B

I can’t believe it’s been a year since promised to become a better person…

my thoughts on new years/new you

Since this is my first “real” blog, I decided to talk about New Year’s. Everyone is thinking about resolutions. My take on them? Who cares? I made a list of the top 25 things I wanted to do this year and then I laughed. Why do I need a New Year to do these things? I should have been doing most of them all along. But i’ll share a few of the things on my list:
1) Stand up for myself and my beliefs more
–i should have been doing this a longgg time ago. you feel me? by stand up for myself, i don’t mean be a bitch to people, i mean, don’t let people run all over me. it’s because i’m a libra, i’m sure of it. i weigh things on my libra scale c o n s t a n t l y. i will give someone the shirt of my back and then freeze. that’s okay, in moderation. but there’s only so much one person can give before cutting someone off or actually cutting them. (not really)

2) Travel (this should have been number one)
–i don’t mean go to Europe every other month (even though that would be magical), i mean, go somewhere i haven’t been. even if it’s two towns over, there’s always something to be learned in a different atmosphere. i mean get out of my comfort zone, try new food or go to a new church so i can experience life and every aspect of it. i’m a firm believer that you’re not supposed to be around people who are just.like.you. HOW BORING. i want to meet people who believe the exact opposite of me to help me understand myself and beliefs on a whole other level.

3) Be a better puppy mom
–i know this is a weird one…my dog literally just threw up a bone while i’m typing this. (i stopped and made sure he was okay, don’t worry PETA) my dog’s name is Moose (hint; the blog title :)) and i’m not shitting you, that dog saved my life. since he saved my life from a downward spiral, i thought i should be a better human to him. (i.e.; take him for more walks or let him have my left over fries)…he’s pretty special. i have another puppy too, her name is Maddie. she’s our newest edition. she’s psychotic but i love that morkie to death.

4) Forgive
–gah, this is a hard one for me. it is so easy for me to be bitter. i will hold a grudge over someone taking my last cookie in the second grade (i still don’t follow her on any social media because of it)…that’s neither here nor there. forgive people for yourself, not for them. you can forgive someone and can still not have them in your life. it’s okay. “Forgiveness is not giving someone permission to have done the harm, it is rather recognizing the flawed humans we all are and accepting that a flawed person caused us harm.” forgiveness improves a multitude of things involving: mental state, heart rate, success rate, sleeping habits and tons more. i dunno but all those things are pretty important to me.

Those are just a few of the things i want to improve personally. But my point of it all is yes, it’s a New Year, but you should improve yourself daily. don’t get discouraged come March and you’ve been the the gym twice. i’m a firm believer that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. So, you’re not improving at the pace you want? You could be improving at the pace God wants, and to me, that is far more amazing than something I can do on my own without him.

One thing that i have done so far and it’s not even the new year yet is start this blog! i write constantly, but this is something i plan on sharing with my family and friends (i still have a private blog for my delirious venting sessions that i want no one to ever read).

If you are reading this and don’t know what to change about your life or if you want to do something a little different daily, i encourage you to get ‘Life’s Little Instruction Book Calendar Volume XIX’…I haven’t had one since i was at college at TTU but it is seriously something so great to wake up to everyday. Some days are funny and some hit you when you need it. I just ordered mine from Amazon (it’s cheaper than a calendar store and i’m all about saving a dollar).

Photo on 12-29-14 at 6.47 PM

it’s backwards, I KNOW. and it’s already driving my ocd up a wall. i’ll try to post once a week. if anyone wants to comment or give me a topic to talk about but doesn’t have wordpress, follow me on IG and dm me! (ig; @brklynntrent)! see you in 2015!

XO,

B