Dark Paradise

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EIGHT days of snow. 8. To say i’m going stir crazy is an understatement. So you people reading this who is at least 100 miles in the proximity of sand, for the love of god…send some my way!

With eight days in a snow daze, i’ve had a lot of time to think. I’ve thought about this subject for years. i mean, since i was 5. Dreams. I’m not talking about goal oriented dreams, i mean dreams while you are dead asleep and you wake up wondering who you are and how you got there, dreams.

A lot of people have dreams or nightmares and just brush them off and go about their day. For me, it’s not that simple. This might seem so silly to some people..like who cares that she has dreams…Dreams have changed my life. I have had vivid, morbid, thrilling, out of this world dreams since about the age of 5. I can tell people what i dream about and they look at me like i have 4 heads. They don’t understand that i go through this every morning. That i recall what i dream about every single day and that it can make or ruin my day.

Many people take depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder or any other mental disorders very seriously. After suffering a tremendous loss by one of my friends passing away in my presence and losing whom i thought was the love of my life simultaneously, i had a sever case of PTSD. I had to sleep with my sister for months, i couldn’t shower with the door closed, i couldn’t be alone while i slept because of my dreams.

Coming from a background in psychology, it is in my blood to tear a part every single thing in my dreams. Why was it cold? Why was i in a graveyard? Why did i touch his face? Why were my grandparents zombies? One dream can mess up my entire day. It can make me or break me. It can determine my mood, my energy, my appetite. I know some people who can’t recall their dreams, some do and don’t really care. But it nature to care and to be analytical about everything in my life. I won’t go into detail about these dreams because if i did, i wouldn’t be typing this, i would probably be in a straight jacket.

I have tried multiple ways to just stop dreaming every night. Alcohol, medication, (prescribed, of course) changing my meals, therapy, not eating after a certain time of day, not eating dairy, i even went so far as to draw a dot on my hand and whenever i got scared or mad or wanted to wake up, i would remind myself before i went to sleep to press that dot really hard so i could wake up. I have woke up in crying fits, i have woke because i forgot to breathe, i’ve been scared awake and i’ve woken up so happy that i wanted to fall back asleep.

White bear problem refers to the psychological process whereby deliberate attempts to suppress certain thoughts make them more likely to surface. An example is when someone trying not to think of a white bear is more likely to imagine one. I chalked my dreams up to this for a long time. But what if it’s something more…

Psychology is so new that we have just begun to scratch the surface. How much can we know about something that isn’t even 200 years old? So with that, i question do dreams have something to do with having a mental disorder? Why so some people dream so vividly and recall every thing about them and other people nothing. Everyone dreams, but what if you dream to the level where it messes up your day? your relationships? your life? is that possible? or should we just let them go the moment we wake up and not think twice about them? Is it your subconscious trying to break out of your skull and get to you to acknowledge it with your conscious?

I don’t really know and for right now, i don’t care too much. I think about things deeply and it doesn’t stop when i sleep. I’ve learned to accept this more now than to try to make them disappear. One other person knows this about me. This is something real and raw and something i want to share, something i want to get comments on.
Don’t ever let someone feel bad or weird for who you are, for what you think or feel. Don’t hide your insecurities, embrace them.

XO,

B

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Today’s song: a little Lana

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7 reasons you’re better off than you think

I don’t know what prompted me to write this, i never know why i write the things i do..then someone tells me they needed to hear what i had to say and it seems worth it. The responses i’ve been getting from you all have been surreal. From people i barely know to my closest friends, thank you all for taking the time to read what i have to say. it’s why i do this. it’s why i continue to write. as long as you read, i’ll write.

I have a lot of people who read this from Australia and Canada and let me tell you, the weather here is FRIGIDDDD. i’ve been snowed in, stuck, bored out of my mind. Someone a lot smarter than i am once told me, “before you marry someone, so camping with them for five days with no electronics, no toilet, no shower, just you two, food and a pack of cards and see if you still want to marry them on day five.” I hate camping so being snowed in is the closest i’ll ever be to this. So, as you all are braving this cold, just think about that and see if the person you’re stuck with is well worth being stuck with.

I’ve been hearing people complain all week about this weather. including myself…so i thought i would make a list of reasons why your life is (hopefully) great!

1. FOOD
This is one of the most important essential things obviously. But, it’s not just that you have food on your shelves, you have options. Don’t want a ham sammich, okay, lets eat spaghetti and meatballs. Having options is a luxury denied by many throughout the world, so think about that the 5th time you open the fridge with nothing to eat.

2. LOVE
Ok. Same with food, you have OPTIONS. You can literally pick who you want to be with or who you don’t…someone’s not living up to your standards? you have the choice to kick their camo croc loving self to the curb. Or marry them. God willing your marriage isn’t arranged, you can pick who you want to spend the rest of your life with.

3. LOVE AGAIN
This is so important that i mention it twice. If you have had that all consuming, don’t know which way is up, made you one taylor swift song away from driving your car off a cliff, guess what? Take a look around, you’re doing better than half the population. Most people never experience that kind of love. Even if you may have lost it, you got to have it. You got to feel what some peoples ultimate goal is. You’re the lucky one.

4. RELIGION
I am surrounded by people of different religions than me. At work, some of my friends and some of my family. I may not agree with a lot of them but you get to live in America where you get to pick your religion, even if some people don’t agree with it, you get to decide what you believe in and worship. I don’t judge anyone (except maybe radical terrorist) for the religion they choose. Your religion is helping me understand mine more and who i do choose to worship and why. Some people are told who they have to believe in and in other countries you get murdered or murder for not believing. You are so, so lucky that you got to choose and no one chose for you.

5. JOB
The biggest thing people take for granted. The biggest thing people take advantage of. One of the biggest things people pray for. You have it. You have a job that gives you options to choose what to eat, wear, where to live, what your hobbies are and what surrounds you every moment of every day. You may hate it, but you would hate being homeless and hungry even more. Not only do you have that job but you can choose whether to leave it for another job. You aren’t forced to stay at that same job for the rest of your life. Even the president only serves 4-8 years and moves on. If you aren’t growing, move on.

6. EDUCATION
I know i’ve stated before that education isn’t everything. I’ll say it again, it’s not. Formal education will give make a living but self education will make you a fortune. You get to choose whether you get to go to school and what to study that will direct your path to your future jobs through formal education. But, even more importantly, self education. You can learn different things all day long! Stuck in from a blizzard? Try underwater basket weaving. i don’t freakin know. the point is, you can learn anything you want.

8. HEALTH
I know that some people get the bad end of this deck of cards and have horrible things happen to them. But, even in the worst situations, i’ve watched people come out stronger than before. But, for this instance I am talking about image. You can literally change how you look if you feel overweight or underweight. You can alter your physical appearance to make you feel better and healthier. You can workout as much or as little as you want. Self preservation is a powerful thing and you have access it to it all the time.

My list can go on and on and on..these are just a few of the things that came to mind while on my drive home today.

You can lay in bed all day, you can go start a business that makes you a living you never dreamed up. Ultimately, the choice is yours. But, the next time you think you have it rough just think about all the freedom you get to have that is denied to so many countries and people throughout this world. This is a great country that we complain about a lot because of the way it’s ran but man we are Americans that can live the way we want (as long as you aren’t hurting people, if you are, go somewhere else.)

Thanks for listening to my ramblings today guys!
Again, if you want to talk to me but don’t have wordpress you can…
Email; Brooke_trent@yahoo.com
Tweet; @macaronsnmoose
Insta; @brklynntrent

XO,
B

Eat Carbs, Drink Champagne and Forget Valentine’s Day.

This may be the single most important piece i’ve ever written.

Everyone puts the biggest emphases on this holiday. Whether it’s someone being bitter about this money driven holiday or some white girl tagging how lucky she is on insta with her new Michael Kors watch, this holiday is either dreaded with a bottle of jack or welcomed with over priced flowers.

When I was in high school, on Valentine’s Day, you could buy a rose and send it to someone within the school. I can not for the life of me remember if i got a rose any of the four years of my high school career. I’m so sure at the time I secretly wanted one but ten years later, WHO CARES if Nick from Algebra got you a dollar rose!??

My little sister is 13 and she is so much smarter and wiser than i was. At 13, it is so hard to realize this is not what matters in the long run. I wish I could go back and tell myself and tell her how one day, Valentine’s Day will matter only because of the person God chooses you to be with. That no amount of flowers and candy in the world will compare to the nights me and my future Valentine will be in bed at 8:30 on Valentines night.

This time last year i was in Atlanta with my best friend. It is perfectly okay to be single on Valentines Day. Actually, it was one of the best weekends i’ve ever spent with her. Don’t take yourself too seriously and let me say this ladies and gentlemen, it is better to be alone than with someone you know you can’t marry or trust.

Hindsight is 20/20. If you’re single, ENJOY it!
Live alone–you can do whatever, whenever you want! it’s awesome.
Quit your dead end job–trust me, you won’t get to when you have two mouths to feed.
Travel–and don’t tell a soul.
Eat well–Eat that pizza at 2 am with no one there to judge you.
Take trips with your bff–go somewhere fun and shop, eat and party.
Splurge–buy that dress, that xbox, that concert ticket. there will be plenty of time for bills and joint checking accounts later.

Some people live their whole lives and never get married? Guess what? Life isn’t about getting married, life is about being who God called you to be. God will fulfill you, not someone texting you at midnight because he or she is cold (yes, girls do this too.)
I just happened to find a pretty cool guy to spend the rest of my Valentines days with..but i promise, if i didn’t, i would not be sulking about it. Timing, timing, timing.

Even if you are in a relationship, remember that anyone can get you a ring and anyone can say the right words but God will lead you to the right person. Marry someone with a purpose. Don’t take me to a fancy restaurant, show me where you plan to be in 5 years. Marry someone with goals and dreams and someone who puts God first so he can love you like he loves Christ. When you do that, you don’t have to wait for Feb 14th to celebrate your love for one another, you can celebrate each other 365 days a year.

XO,

B

Also, go follow my cool friend who just started his blog! steveduewest.wordpress.com

you can foliow me via twitter: https://twitter.com/macaronsnmoose
or instagram:http://instagram.com/brklynntrent/

And the Winner is…..

Everyone has heard the phrase, “if you love your job, you’ll never have to work a day in your life.” Cool…now i have to find a job that i love with a bachelor’s degree that is more common than not in a dog eat dog world. EASY!

My whole life my parents put such an emphasis on education. I got in trouble for my grades over anything. So, when i graduated high school, i didn’t have much of a choice but to attend college. After all, that’s what you’re supposed to do. Wrong. Do what you love. I have a BS in psychology because i wanted to help people. That degree is hanging on my wall…the only thing it’s helping is dust bunnies find a home. For the longest time i thought i had to have that degree to matter, to make an impact on the world. I wish someone would have told me otherwise. I can make an impact by writing, by being passionate about something, by living a life i’m proud of.

While, yes, some degrees very much so help people and you have to have them to practice. But school does not make you better or worse than anyone. As i am fixing to launch my business, i feel so far away from that bachelor’s and closer to what i want to do for the rest of my life.

As i’m watching The Grammy’s, i feel hopeful. These people chased their dreams, got rejected and didn’t quit. Ed Sheeran once tweeted, “Give me a few years. I’ve got some big plans.” That was in 2011….

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GUESS WHAT?? He’s doing pretty damn well for himself beside Mr. Mayer here in 2015! Know why he’s beside a legend? Because he didn’t take no for an answer. He kept playing pubs and bars until he made it. He got rejected. He got told he wasn’t good enough to play in America. He. did. not. quit.

Don’t quit. Follow your heart and follow it whole heartedly. Open that coffee shop, travel the country, become that makeup artist, body builder, hair dresser, full time scuba diver. Don’t let anyone tell you that you won’t make it. Someone told me that you don’t have to have money to make money, you have to believe in what you’re selling and have other people invest in your ideas and you’ll always make it. network. network. network. Empower each other. My friends and family supporting me is the biggest encouragement. When someone tells me my blog helped them, i know i’m on the right path.

Stick with your gut. Support peers. Take a leap of faith. PRAY. Trust yourself. Leave that comfort zone and don’t ever, ever quit.

XO,

B