What the Bible says about anxiety

I have prayed and prayed about what to write about. I’ve started writing a few blogs and then they just came to a halt. I realized today I knew what i needed to write about…I’ve actually known for a while and I keep saying, “not today God…NOT TODAY.” But God pushed me and not in a bad way. I want to start off by saying I am not a medical professional. I have my degree in Psychology but so does half of America. You can pretty much google different disorders and hey, you probably know just as much as i do. But, I am going to talk about this because it’s personal. I’ve been going to therapy on and off for about 7 years. If anyone who has a mental illness knows this to be true, when you think you’re better, you think you’re ALL better. Medicine tricks you sometimes into believing you’re okay. Anxiety, for me, has been a lot like that. I thought I was better and needed no help only to take 10 steps back.

Recently, my anxiety has increased dramatically. I blame my job and having a lot on me but thats probably not the case. The case is that I think I can handle it alone then I realize I just can’t. My anxiety comes in waves. It’s a constant struggle of wanting solitude and wanting to be with friends. I want to handle my crap myself. I want to be bigger than any mental illness. Unfortunately, you can’t wish anxiety away. In a world that’s fallen & fractured, nervousness and worry lurks around every corner.

 Have you ever almost missed a step while walking down the stairs and your heart races but usually subsides within a few seconds? Imagine that feeling lasting anywhere from 2-30 minutes multiple times a day and you have no control over when or where it happens. Followed by sweating and feeling like you’re going to faint and you can not catch your breath. There’s such a stigma when it comes to mental illnesses that needs to cease. I’ve known about my anxiety for years but no one else has. I’ve been called antisocial, snobby, shy, awkward and pretty much everything except a white girl. All because no one knew I was dealing with something that wasn’t visible like a broken leg. Imagine someone telling you it’s in your head and you’re just being dramatic. It’s a constant battle of wanting to be brave and wanting to crawl in a hole and never come out because you feel like no one understands how you feel. Anxiety is relentless and there have been days where I feel like I just can’t go on. 

There is one thing that has helped me more than medicine, therapy and solitude ever could and that’s Jesus.

If anxiety, fear, stress or worry creeps up on you, remember, you are only human. That God forgave you for your sins and you are PRECIOUS. I have constant feelings of inadequacy. Like no matter what I do at my job or my relationships that I just am not enough. I always had this weird connection with the stars. Ever since I was a little kid, I could just look at them for hours and feel how powerful they are. Then I stumbled across this verse..

“Look up into the heavens. Who created all the stars? He brings them out like an army, one after another, calling each by its name. Because of his great power and incomparable strength, not a single one is missing.”- Isaiah 40:26

How much more valuable are you than the stars?? If the same God who calls stars an army, imagine what He’s doing in your favor if you are willing and unafraid.

The bible tells us that we will have trials and hardships. Anxiety is a tool that the enemy uses. Knowing that gives me extreme peace. In most cases, I am anxious over something I have no control over. That’s when God steps in.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”- Phil. 4:6

The best defense is continuously communicating with Him, sprinkled with thanksgiving. Try to confess and talk about your nervousness. 

It took me a while to seek help. Talking about what is bothering you really puts things into perspective. Saying how you are feeling out loud speaks volumes about you and that you will not be defeated. The words you say or type have complete power over your life. His word is powerful. Speak it in victory and not fear.

If you are having any of the symptoms I talked about above, i encourage you to seek medical help, but also pray. pray without ceasing. I hope you love yourself enough to take care of yourself.

“The LORD is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me?”-Psalm 118:6

If you are in this battle, you are not alone. The devil can use it for evil but only God can use it for good. God speaks volumes about rest in the bible. He created the Sabbath specifically for it. Rest and realize God is on your side. It’s all downhill from there.

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Fight or Flight

It’s been a crazy week! First off, I want to thank everyone for taking the time to read my blog. It’s so amazing to get such wonderful feedback from family, friends and strangers. Y’all rock.

I’ve thought a lot about this post. It’s weird sharing personal things when I know everyone will read them and this is SO different for me.

Having a background in psychology makes me apply it to everything. Most people have heard of the “fight or flight” response. Saying, animals and humans have an innate ability to either face a problem and fight it or run (flight) when they feel threatened. I can’t help but to apply this to relationships. What’s worse than being in a relationship where you fight all the time? Being in a relationship where you fight then run.

One of the things I can’t get out of my head is the Hozier song, “Work Song”. If you haven’t listened to it, please do.
In the chorus he says, “When, my, time comes around lay me gently in the cold dark earth. No grave can hold my body down, I’ll crawl home to her”
The first time I heard those lyrics, I played it over and over again.

Music gets me. I feel more things emotionally from music than I can from most people. But, those lyrics make me feel some type of way. I have been in a relationship where I thought the world begins and ends with that person. Where I thought death couldn’t keep me away from him. With that being said, it was the most toxic thing I have ever been inflicted by. Human beings are 110% more toxic than anything else.

My brother and I have had many talks about which is better, a relationship that makes you feel like you’re so dependent on that person or one that makes you feel like you have it all together but that person just adds to your already great self? I think we all are guilty of trying to shove different puzzle pieces into the same spot and expecting to get the same picture in the end. Every choice, relationship wise or not, will lead you to a completely different outcome.

My thoughts on the situation is that I don’t ever want to feel like I need someone. I want to share a life with someone, not make someone my whole life. I’ve done that and at the end of the day, when they chose to leave, they’ll leave you standing with nothing. Most of us have had that relationship where it feels like you’re on a pendulum. When it’s good, it’s really good. But when it’s bad, it’s WWIII. There should be a balance. Someone should make you the best version of yourself and not make you hate yourself for the things you said during that knockout round.

No two loves are the same. Some people think that kind of love is the love that’s worth it. The kind that makes you crazy and the kind you think you can never obtain. And I’ll admit, I thought so too. But, it is so exhausting. I have been in relationships where I thought I saw someone’s true potential, even after everyone told me to take flight. You can’t wait on someone to ascend to their greatness when they don’t see if for themselves. We get disappointed when people fall short of the role we created for them without them ever even knowing it.

After going from a damaging relationship from the screaming fights to the on and off like a light switch to being on cloud 9 when he finally called back– to a healthy, loving, supportive relationship, I can’t say that I would care to feel like Hozier again. That song touches me because I know exactly what he’s speaking about and I know that’s exactly the person I don’t want to be. No body that loves you will allow you to love them more than you love yourself. Read that over again. Let it resonate. So, answering my own question, which is better? I think as long as you have someone who gives you their time, who talks to you after a fight, who understands the madness inside you, who supports you, who waits for you while you’re out trying to find yourself then you will be just fine.

XO,

B