I have been MIA for a while. Honestly, I haven’t felt worthy of writing. I want to write about things I know and lately I don’t know a lot. I really don’t know a lot about prayer either. But, I’m assuming a lot of people are in that same ship with me.
I have been thinking a lot about prayer these past few weeks as I try to grow closer to God. I feel him now more than ever and I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s my line of work. That’s what i’m going with.
I’ve been working out…well attempting to. I hate it. I have always wanted to be one of those people who loves the gym. Who wakes up every morning ready to bust out her yoga mat or run ten miles on a treadmill. That just isn’t me. I can’t stay still long enough. I am always a week ahead or 5 years in the past. I’m rarely taking the time to breathe and focus while working out. I have been relating this so much to prayer. How i’ve never been very good at praying because it requires me to be still. I literally think about what I want to pray before i pray.
Up until recently I just didn’t want to pray. I would say I would pray for people because that was word vomit and polite. It made me start thinking how many people have said that to me. How many people have said they would pray for me and didn’t. Because I am so guilty of this.
Sometimes you are the one who prays and sometimes you’re the one who gets prayed for.
Growing up, I went to a church where everyone would pray out loud during alter calls. I remember hearing all these grown men pray these intense prayers and me being a 12 year old girl was so intimidated. So I just didn’t pray. No one ever taught me until recently that you don’t have to have this silver lining, elaborate prayer. That God wants you to talk to him in the car, in the mall, at work…where ever you are.
How amazing is it that in the midst of someones chaos, they take the time to utter your name to Him.
I’m here to tell you, you don’t need a storybook relationship with him. That you are just enough the way you are. Every broken, bitter, chaotic piece of you, he wants.
I don’t know why it’s easier for me to pray for strangers than people I know. But I’m working on it. I’m working on keeping my word to pray for the people I love, because prayer, just like humans, is a beautiful thing.
always in your corner,