Weeds and Lies

So i’ve become a gardener. I bought gloves, seeds, a hat and anything else gardening-ish that would make me legit. I have this problem  (and my husband can vouch) that when i find something i’m interested in, it consumes me. I go full force into said thing for a solid three months until i move onto something else. Michael still dislikes me for the piano he had to move into our old little house that i played 4 times. I’ve tried to change this about me but in all my 25 years, i just can’t.

I have the fight to start something but rarely to finish it. I would love to have home grown peppers and tomatoes on my plate but i don’t know if i want to put in the work to grow them. I want instant gratification. Don’t we all?

The thing about gardening is there’s weeds. I have kept myself up at night thinking, “what if i can’t tell the difference between weeds and my precious little veggies?” Of course like most things in my life, my brain takes me somewhere else altogether. I started thinking about my own life and how sometimes i can’t tell the difference in weeds and these beautiful, nutritious things i have growing. Between the lies i tell myself and the truth.

I was thinking about my garden and how i would be so disappointed if i watered it and talked to the peppers like i was a plant whisperer and killed them because i thought they were weeds. But if you don’t pluck the weeds, they will suck all the life out of your plants until it kills your garden completely.

The thought of taking care of something scares me to death. How i’ve managed to keep two dogs alive for a few years is beyond me. But learning to keep things alive is molding me to be a better human. (i hope)

One of the biggest lies i tell myself is that i can’t do it. I looked at my husband literally ten minutes after i planted my seeds and said, “these will never grow.” And that’s a lie i constantly tell myself. “Brooke, you won’t succeed. You won’t make this job, marriage, relationship or garden last.” And that’s my lie.

Lies become crutches. Sometimes you tell yourself lies so much that you don’t know the truth. You don’t know the difference between a weed or your tomato. If you are feeding your lies more than your truths, they will grow larger and larger and overtake your mind. Whatever you tell yourself and whatever lies you think are harmless, have the potential to suck the life out of you. Whatever lies you are feeding yourself, cut them off at the root.

This is so much easier said than done, i know. You literally have to retrain your brain. You have created this groove in your brain that keeps getting deeper and deeper with whatever lie you are telling yourself. Just like a carpenter carving away creating deep grooves. He has the power to create so many different objects but it depends on how he uses his knife.

Loving yourself is hard when we live in a world so quick to condemn. I’m cutting my lies off and not showing them any sunlight slowly but surely. I have a good friend who tells me all the time that i am worthy to be happy and deserve it. And i PROMISE you, if you keep telling yourself that, it will grow and grow and give you more nourishment than you could ever imagine.

A prayer you can use:

“Lord help me know what lies i feed myself and what truths i feed myself. Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference. Please help me distinguish them and make them black and white. Show me the weeds in my life. Show me how to stop them from growing. Help me retrain my brain with truth and not lies. I want to be alive.”

-B

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Hello 2016, it’s me…

I hope everyone reading this has had more love, joy and unpredictability that 2015 could possibly offer. As this year draws to an end, it’s hard not to think about what 2015 brought. For some people you might hate to see it go because you can’t possibly think of another year that could top this one. For others, you might have helped 2015 pack its bags, dropped it off at the airport and never looked back in the rearview. Whatever your situation is, I hope 2016 leaves you humble and speechless. I hope you find so much love and give so much love that you look back at this time next year and thank God for 2016.

I usually think of things I want to accomplish come this time of year for the upcoming one. But this year, I got married, I bought a house, I’m in good health, all of my family is still living, I got a new job and started this wonderful messy blog. I can’t think of anything else that I need or want. So I thought about contentment. I thought about how scary that word is. How there’s so much gray to it. On one hand, you don’t want to be so content that you stop moving and shaking. On the other, you don’t want so much chaos that you wouldn’t know what contentment looked like if it was looking back at you in the mirror. So there’s an ultra fine line when it comes to being content. My version of content is to not fall into comparisons death trap. It can steal everything from you if you let it.

This year i will unfollow things that leave me wanting more. Things that leave me feeling a little less worthy of being happy. Trust me; you are so worthy of being happy. You are beautiful and wonderfully made. It is in our human nature (thanks to Adam and Eve) to want what we can’t have. It is so easy to get caught up in the idea if you have XYZ then you’ll be happy.

I want you to slow down. I want you to be content with what you have. That doesn’t mean to settle and not push yourself to be a better you. I don’t want you to compare your life to others. Unfollow people on social media if you have to. Work towards becoming the happiest you. With contentment comes letting go and that’s a hard concept for many people. I hope you leave all the things that were bad for you behind in 2015. I hope you let go of that relationship that makes you feel second best. I hope you let go of that dead end job that won’t ever promote you when you’re all too deserving. I hope you let go of that toxic friend that drains you. I hope you let go of feeling the need to look like a Victoria’s Secret model. Say yes to the ice cream.

This year, I hope to spend more time with God. I hope to be less impulsive when the world comes pressing down on me to have the latest and greatest thing. I hope you ask yourself before doing something, “how will this serve you, God?”

I started reading what the bible says about being content and this stood out:

“Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.”- Philippians 4:11

 

“..in whatever situation I am to be content”…that is a hard one for me. I know I have had too many situations where the last thing i’ve felt is contentment. I hope this year I will learn to be content no matter the situation.

This year, I promise to fall flat on my face. I promise to make messes and clean them up. I promise not to let the world make me feel unworthy. I promise to realize we all fall short and it’s okay to not get it right. I promise to cut myself some slack and not be so hard on myself. I will show fear that love ALWAYS wins. I’ll show up for my family and friends. I’ll really see people for who they are, not who i expect them to be. I’ll chase after the life I want, no matter the cost. I’ll help others along their journey of 2016 because no matter who you are, we’re all just trying to make it. I hope you show 2016 what you are made of. You are cherished, loved and completely rad. I hope you promise all the above to yourself and so much more.

always in your corner,

B

 

 

7 reasons you’re better off than you think

I don’t know what prompted me to write this, i never know why i write the things i do..then someone tells me they needed to hear what i had to say and it seems worth it. The responses i’ve been getting from you all have been surreal. From people i barely know to my closest friends, thank you all for taking the time to read what i have to say. it’s why i do this. it’s why i continue to write. as long as you read, i’ll write.

I have a lot of people who read this from Australia and Canada and let me tell you, the weather here is FRIGIDDDD. i’ve been snowed in, stuck, bored out of my mind. Someone a lot smarter than i am once told me, “before you marry someone, so camping with them for five days with no electronics, no toilet, no shower, just you two, food and a pack of cards and see if you still want to marry them on day five.” I hate camping so being snowed in is the closest i’ll ever be to this. So, as you all are braving this cold, just think about that and see if the person you’re stuck with is well worth being stuck with.

I’ve been hearing people complain all week about this weather. including myself…so i thought i would make a list of reasons why your life is (hopefully) great!

1. FOOD
This is one of the most important essential things obviously. But, it’s not just that you have food on your shelves, you have options. Don’t want a ham sammich, okay, lets eat spaghetti and meatballs. Having options is a luxury denied by many throughout the world, so think about that the 5th time you open the fridge with nothing to eat.

2. LOVE
Ok. Same with food, you have OPTIONS. You can literally pick who you want to be with or who you don’t…someone’s not living up to your standards? you have the choice to kick their camo croc loving self to the curb. Or marry them. God willing your marriage isn’t arranged, you can pick who you want to spend the rest of your life with.

3. LOVE AGAIN
This is so important that i mention it twice. If you have had that all consuming, don’t know which way is up, made you one taylor swift song away from driving your car off a cliff, guess what? Take a look around, you’re doing better than half the population. Most people never experience that kind of love. Even if you may have lost it, you got to have it. You got to feel what some peoples ultimate goal is. You’re the lucky one.

4. RELIGION
I am surrounded by people of different religions than me. At work, some of my friends and some of my family. I may not agree with a lot of them but you get to live in America where you get to pick your religion, even if some people don’t agree with it, you get to decide what you believe in and worship. I don’t judge anyone (except maybe radical terrorist) for the religion they choose. Your religion is helping me understand mine more and who i do choose to worship and why. Some people are told who they have to believe in and in other countries you get murdered or murder for not believing. You are so, so lucky that you got to choose and no one chose for you.

5. JOB
The biggest thing people take for granted. The biggest thing people take advantage of. One of the biggest things people pray for. You have it. You have a job that gives you options to choose what to eat, wear, where to live, what your hobbies are and what surrounds you every moment of every day. You may hate it, but you would hate being homeless and hungry even more. Not only do you have that job but you can choose whether to leave it for another job. You aren’t forced to stay at that same job for the rest of your life. Even the president only serves 4-8 years and moves on. If you aren’t growing, move on.

6. EDUCATION
I know i’ve stated before that education isn’t everything. I’ll say it again, it’s not. Formal education will give make a living but self education will make you a fortune. You get to choose whether you get to go to school and what to study that will direct your path to your future jobs through formal education. But, even more importantly, self education. You can learn different things all day long! Stuck in from a blizzard? Try underwater basket weaving. i don’t freakin know. the point is, you can learn anything you want.

8. HEALTH
I know that some people get the bad end of this deck of cards and have horrible things happen to them. But, even in the worst situations, i’ve watched people come out stronger than before. But, for this instance I am talking about image. You can literally change how you look if you feel overweight or underweight. You can alter your physical appearance to make you feel better and healthier. You can workout as much or as little as you want. Self preservation is a powerful thing and you have access it to it all the time.

My list can go on and on and on..these are just a few of the things that came to mind while on my drive home today.

You can lay in bed all day, you can go start a business that makes you a living you never dreamed up. Ultimately, the choice is yours. But, the next time you think you have it rough just think about all the freedom you get to have that is denied to so many countries and people throughout this world. This is a great country that we complain about a lot because of the way it’s ran but man we are Americans that can live the way we want (as long as you aren’t hurting people, if you are, go somewhere else.)

Thanks for listening to my ramblings today guys!
Again, if you want to talk to me but don’t have wordpress you can…
Email; Brooke_trent@yahoo.com
Tweet; @macaronsnmoose
Insta; @brklynntrent

XO,
B