Fight or Flight

It’s been a crazy week! First off, I want to thank everyone for taking the time to read my blog. It’s so amazing to get such wonderful feedback from family, friends and strangers. Y’all rock.

I’ve thought a lot about this post. It’s weird sharing personal things when I know everyone will read them and this is SO different for me.

Having a background in psychology makes me apply it to everything. Most people have heard of the “fight or flight” response. Saying, animals and humans have an innate ability to either face a problem and fight it or run (flight) when they feel threatened. I can’t help but to apply this to relationships. What’s worse than being in a relationship where you fight all the time? Being in a relationship where you fight then run.

One of the things I can’t get out of my head is the Hozier song, “Work Song”. If you haven’t listened to it, please do.
In the chorus he says, “When, my, time comes around lay me gently in the cold dark earth. No grave can hold my body down, I’ll crawl home to her”
The first time I heard those lyrics, I played it over and over again.

Music gets me. I feel more things emotionally from music than I can from most people. But, those lyrics make me feel some type of way. I have been in a relationship where I thought the world begins and ends with that person. Where I thought death couldn’t keep me away from him. With that being said, it was the most toxic thing I have ever been inflicted by. Human beings are 110% more toxic than anything else.

My brother and IĀ have had many talks about which is better, a relationship that makes you feel like you’re so dependent on that person or one that makes you feel like you have it all together but that person just adds to your already great self? I think we all are guilty of trying to shove different puzzle pieces into the same spot and expecting to get the same picture in the end. Every choice, relationship wise or not, will lead you to a completely different outcome.

My thoughts on the situation is that I don’t ever want to feel like I need someone. I want to share a life with someone, not make someone my whole life. I’ve done that and at the end of the day, when they chose to leave, they’ll leave you standing with nothing. Most of us have had that relationship where it feels like you’re on a pendulum. When it’s good, it’s really good. But when it’s bad, it’s WWIII. There should be a balance. Someone should make you the best version of yourself and not make you hate yourself for the things you said during that knockout round.

No two loves are the same. Some people think that kind of love is the love that’s worth it. The kind that makes you crazy and the kind you think you can never obtain. And I’ll admit, I thought so too. But, it is so exhausting. I have been in relationships where I thought I saw someone’s true potential, even after everyone told me to take flight. You can’t wait on someone to ascend to their greatness when they don’t see if for themselves. We get disappointed when people fall short of the role we created for them without them ever even knowing it.

After going from a damaging relationship from the screaming fights to the on and off like a light switch to being on cloud 9 when he finally called back– to a healthy, loving, supportive relationship, I can’t say that I would care to feel like Hozier again. That song touches me because I know exactly what he’s speaking about and I know that’s exactly the person I don’t want to be. No body that loves you will allow you to love them more than you love yourself. Read that over again. Let it resonate. So, answering my own question, which is better? I think as long as you have someone who gives you their time, who talks to you after a fight, who understands the madness inside you, who supports you, who waits for you while you’re out trying to find yourself then you will be just fine.

XO,

B

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5 Reasons to trade in a barstool for a bench press

I do occasionally have a drink with some friends but those 2 AM binges where the only words I know how to say are, “taco bell” and “bathroom?” are long gone. My friends, family can tell you that I am not the same girl I was at 20 and my needs/wants are constantly changing. At the gym the morning I was thinking how far I’ve come from that insecure, please everyone–type girl. Here are my personal top 5 reasons that a bench press is more suitable for me than a barstool:

1. The Morning After
This is the big one for me. I have yet to meet someone who has said, “those 10 shots I took last night made me feel so great this morning!!” There have been plenty of nights where I wanted to go out and once getting to the bar, it was not the experience I was hoping for. This morning I would have probably rather put my hand in my juicer than go to the gym. But, you know what? I didn’t regret going once I got there. Yeah, i’m sore but it’s not from throwing my guts up because I had too many grenades in NOLA, sore. It’s a change in my body getting stronger and better sore and I love every second of it. You wont regret going to the gym, but you might regret the kegger you sucked dry at the party you won’t remember last night.

2. Mood Swiiiinnnng
For me, there is a fine line between loving everyone I see at the bar and Mike Tyson coming through my body and wanting to punch the next person who spills their cute little martini on me. I can go from cute to ratchet faster than you can pour a drink. I don’t know about you but that is so unattractive to me. I don’t ever want to be in a state where I have no control over my emotions again. I used to leave work and be so stressed, I wanted a drink. Now, I leave work and go to the gym and 10 times out of 10, I am in a much better mood when I leave. The gym heals me mentally more than any amount of alcohol ever will.

3. Socializing
Most people go out to meet people or to spy on their ex boyfriends new girl. Some people go out so they can have someone to go home with a few hours later. Either way, in the long run, has either made you happy? I know some of the people i’ve met while bar hopping is not the type of people I want in my life consistently. At the gym, I am surrounded by people who support me. Whether they give me the encouragement I need or they just want to chat, I can promise you they aren’t there to watch me fail like half of the people who are your friends at the bar.

4. How Embarrassing

I have had multiple females tell me they don’t work out because they feel judged or embarrassed. Come to find out, those are the same females taking 4 Irish Breakfast shots and dancing with the pool stick like it’s a stripper pole. Being embarrassed and lazy aren’t the same thing. If one reason you aren’t actively in the gym is because of what other people think, I promise you, we’ve all been there. The people who look Victoria’s Secret perfect, had to start somewhere. Everyone has to start somewhere and NO ONE judges you for making yourself better. If they do, screw them and go head girl, get down in your cute spandex. You’re perfect.

5. Music
This one may be weird but it is so true. When I am at the gym or running, I can listen to whatever I want. Currently “Chainsaw,” is my go-to workout song. I also do not have to hear the dance version of the Wobble ever again! Or more importantly, 50 drunk people thinking they can actually do the Wobble.

This blog is different but it’s important to me because the older I get, the more I realize I don’t want to be 50 years old drinking margaritas at Chili’s until I don’t remember my name. I want to work hard and be in the best shape of my life. Alcohol gives you an instant buzz, you see results almost instantly even though most of the time, they aren’t the results you want. With the gym, it takes work and dedication and endless hours put into it. But, the results are so much more rewarding.

XO,

B

Also, if you are looking for some new active gear, here is where I purchase all of mine šŸ™‚